Was there a room or a piece of furniture or an objet d'art in your home growing up that all children were forbidden to even touch without adult blessing and this rule was enforced using threats worse than reform school?
One of my friends had a living room so sacred and so totally not kid-friendly that if we even glanced towards the room that was lined with pristine, white long-hair shag carpet, featuring a white baby grand that showcased a mirrored fireplace, we got the death stare from his parents.
His parents worshiped every square inch of that borderline bordello of a parlour, going so far as to polish the piano with a cotton diaper and vacuum the entirely un-used room daily. And when they vacuumed, they did the exact same pattern each time, finishing by backing out of the room with the upright so that every last strand waved in the same direction.
That, my friends, is extreme furniture worship and it's taken me nearly thirty years to appreciate how they felt.
I just found a piece of furniture that I won't even let my child look at.
What's so special about this couch?
It's made of chocolate.
I found furniture made of chocolate. It's a cake, covered in chocolate. The buttons are chocolate. Have I mentioned it's made of chocolate?
It's a couch that I could probably whittle down to an ottoman in less than an hour.
I think that someone is totally stealing my ideas. First it's vodka in a pill form, now it's chocolate furniture.