We're still mad about that whole nether-probe thing, which prompted far-reaching ignoring from Canadian politicians (one parliamentarian posted a link to our petition from her website, but still. If that's ACTION I'm a freaking superhero.) We're still pursuing that issue, but we've just come across another that we feel the need to shriek and rant and possibly petition about. And what do you know? It involves nethers, too!
15 to 24 year olds can now play their way to sexual health via a new game on the London-Middlesex Health Unit's website. The problem is in it's condescending delivery and sheer comicality of it's design. Prepare to be horrified.
Kids can choose to be one of four titillating characters: a sexually active girl named Power Pap who uses x-ray vision to spot infections; a boy named Willy who believes size doesn’t matter and whose superpower is "rock hard strength"; Captain Condom, a male superhero with a condom on his head; or a virgin named Wonder Vag.
Wonder Vag has the superpower to tell if a person is lying. That's funny - as a teenage girl, I sure didn't. That really would have come in handy.
It gets worse.
The game features a super villian, The Sperminator, a muscular man wearing a red wrestling mask with penis arms,
who will shoot kids with sperm if they don't answer sexual health
questions correctly. His goal is to infect everyone with his evil
WONDER VAG. THE SPERMINATOR. PENIS ARMS. Isn't this what would happen if Stan Lee dropped acid and got lost in a porn shop?
It would be funny if it weren't totally real and coming to a public school near you. If, that is, you happen to live in certain regions of Canada where, yes, as you would know if you watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, we have a thing for surrealist phallic imagery - giant erector ice penises, set aflame! - and, also, for beavers, but still. I can see how young people would find this funny - I find it funny, in the abstract, which is to say, not in any context that involves my children - but, really? As sex ed? For young teens? I'm all for innovation in sex education, but I just don't think that a penis-armed supervillian called the Sperminator is going to help my kids any in understanding the birds and the bees.
I think this is completely effing crazy. Am I right, or am I just more of a prude than I'd like to think that I am?
Before you answer that, remember this: SPERMINATOR. PENIS-ARMED SPERMINATOR.
Really? Couldn't they all just read Judy Blume instead?