The Bad Moms Club

Bad Moms Mourn Bad Actors Gone Before Their Time

Corey Haim - 80's teen star and latter-day has-been - has, reportedly, died of a drug overdose. The Internets are saying that this wasn't really shocking - he did, after all, have a public struggle with substance abuse - but really, isn't it fair to say that no such celebrity death is shocking? Given that so many celebrities struggle with substance abuse and eating disorders and dependencies upon unsavory characters and other evils and maladies and whatevers associated with selling one's life for public consumption, shouldn't we be surprised that more of them don't die young? And wouldn't this go double for any celebrity that attained his or her celebrity in childhood? Will there ever come a time when we'll measure the worth of exposing the talent of young performing arts prodigies against the heavy, heavy costs that are inevitably levied against the lives of so many of them for that exposure?

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Corey.

From The WTF Files: Woman Charged After Squirting Breast Milk On Deputy

This story has WTF written all over it, so I’m going to skip the preamble and dive right in: a 31-year old woman from Kentucky is facing assault charges after squirting a police officer in the face with breast milk.

Yup, you read that right. Breast milk.

Canadian Teachers Redefine School Spirit, And Not In A Good Way

In the arena of people that I always think of as asexual, possibly even neutered, teachers rank right up there with grandparents and clergy. I mean, I know that they're human, but still. When I was in high school, the idea of my math teacher dating was inconceivable. He just went home every night and read calculus textbooks, right? Right?

He certainly didn't know his way around a lap dance, I'm pretty sure about that. Not like the teachers at Churchill High School in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

According To Bob Marshall, Jesus Doesn't Love The Little Children

I'm no theologian, but I'm pretty sure that, contrary to the assertions of Virginia Legislator Bob Marshall, God doesn't hate disabled people. I mean, unless I misread the Beatitudes - the blessings upon the poor and the weak and those who show mercy that Jesus proclaimed in his Sermon on the Mount - which I had kinda understood to mean, at least in part, that mean-spirited asshats who sneer at crippled children just don't get into the Kingdom of Heaven.

I'm Going To Punish You (That's What She Said)

First there was the nine year old boy who was threatened with detention for bringing a two-inch toy gun to school.

Then there was the girl who was handcuffed and carted off to the police station for doodling on her desk with erasable pen.

Now there is Dalton Duncan, the boy who was sent to detention for having a humourless teacher.

Bad Moms Aren't Prudes, They're Just Not All That Keen On Phallic-Themed Supervillians

We're still mad about that whole nether-probe thing, which prompted far-reaching ignoring from Canadian politicians (one parliamentarian posted a link to our petition from her website, but still. If that's ACTION I'm a freaking superhero.) We're still pursuing that issue, but we've just come across another that we feel the need to shriek and rant and possibly petition about. And what do you know? It involves nethers, too!

Our friend and fellow bad mom Karen just wrote at Canada Moms Blogs about this insane, bizarre and utterly disturbing innovation in sex education for teens and young people in Canada:

Bad Moms Know Food Babies When They See Them

As a self-proclaimed celebrity gossip monger, food babies can be the bread and butter of the biz. I have conjectured a whole whack of non-existent pregnancies over the years based on unflattering photos alone.

<-- Like the one right here *hangs head in shame*

But I've stopped. Mostly because based on these standards, I've been pregnant for the past twenty years. Maybe even longer.

So, who do you suppose is going to be rumored to be carrying a baby, based on this little bit of belly bunching? (She'll be said to be competing, no doubt, with Angelina's revenge bump.)

Bad Moms Love Proper Punctuation

As someone who abuses the English language on an hourly basis I appreciate all the help that comes my way. Lord knows I don't want to pass along any of the more common punctuation infractions to my child. I mean, one missing comma and someone's world can come to a horrific end.

Case in point:

Dear Huggies GoodNites: Bad Advertising Means ALWAYS Having To Say You're Sorry

So the ad agency that made those horrible, skeevy Korean Huggies ads? They e-mailed us about the post that we wrote about their horrible, skeevy ad. They are very sad about that post:

Banning The Dictionary In School: One Step Forward For Idiots, One Giant Leap Backwards For Childkind

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried: Schools in Menifee Union school district in Southern California are banning the dictionary, Merriam Webster's 10th edition, from the grade four and five classrooms because (brace yourself) the kids are looking up dirty words.

THE HORROR.