The Bad Moms Club

Bad Moms Know Goblins. Maybe.

This week we (Catherine and me and our kids) are on the road courtesy of GM Canada, making our way from Toronto to Disney World in Florida to participate in the Tiarathon half-marathon to raise awareness about Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy as part of Catherine's mission to do 100 miles For Tanner.

Our girls: they are just like us. Which you know, is great and all because it means that there wasn't a mix up at the hospital and we have that wonderful legacy thing. But like us, they are fearless, opinionated, strong willed, and, oh my sweet hell, did I mention fearless? Therein lies our problem.

Road Trip Rulez: Bad Moms Edition

This week we (Catherine and me and our kids) are on the road courtesy of GM Canada, making our way from Toronto to Disney World in Florida to participate in the Tiarathon marathon to raise awareness about Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy and Catherine's mission to do 100 miles For Tanner.

We are on a road trip. We've made up some rules:

Because Sausages Are Always Easier To Procure Than Dead Hobo Fingers.

Confession: I covet the iPhone. Probably your iPhone, because everyone has an iPhone except me.

Sure, my Blackberry does the important jobs (kinda) but it hardly does cool things.

The only sure fire feature my Blackberry had over the iPhone was the fact that I could still type and do things with gloves on unlike the uber cool touch screen which needs naked flesh to respond. Naked flesh -- or sausages.

Bad Moms Love Good Ideas: How To Avoid The Unhappy Meal

When I read Bryan Young's article about the conflicted feelings he has around the upcoming Star Wars collector toys coming out at the end of this month, I understood exactly what he was talking about.

The conflict is not about the toys per se -they are cool little toys that Star Wars fans will be happy to add to their collections (we all have our nerd habits so cut me some slack) - but about how these toys are being released to the public: as a toy in a McDonald's Happy Meals.

And While We're On The Subject Of Multitasking...

For when you're working that hands-free breast pump, holding a plate of nachos and reading a story to your toddler...

It's Never Too Early For The Bad Mom To Plan For Prom

Be still my cheapskate heart: our future - circa 2023 - prom dress crisis has been averted.

Yes, I know, the girl is only four and 2023 is a long way off, but one of my biggest concerns with raising a daughter is how are we going to be able to clothe the child if she keeps heading down this expensive and horrifying princess-pink trajectory?

We are not rich nor does it ever look like we will be rich (we're such bad capitalists) and we would love for our daughter to be all boho secondhand store happy (oh please, please, please let that happen), but who knows where we will be when she hits her teen years? What if she still loves pink?

How My Kid Could Make Me Pay, Dammit

Actually, I cannot lie. It's not how my kid could make me pay, it's how I potentially might make myself pay because of my kid. Wait. That doesn't sound much better. How about: 'my potty mouth might make me cry from shame'?

Full accountability, that's what I will have to take if I keep on swearing in front of my child. Hi, my name is Katie and I swear like a drunken sailor.

Bad Hacks: Curbing Candy Cravings

I will admit it: my child eats candy. Lots and lots of candy. She loves candy and somehow she always finds some. Coincidentally, I like candy and eat lots and lots of candy. Maybe her love and my love of candy are related. It's hard to know for sure.

Also, maybe -- maybe -- I occasionally use candy as reward for a job well done. Or a reward for putting on snowpants, boots, coat, gloves, and hat without screaming like I'm trying to kill her. Please don't point out that the last one sounds entirely too much like a bribe.

New Year With Namahage Or Gotta Love Good Ol' Terrorizing Folklore To Keep Them In Line

When I watched this video about the Japanese New Year's tradition where devils called Namahage come to town en masse to terrorize and threaten all the lazy and disobedient children at night, I wondered how much they would charge for a personal visit?

But then I thought if I had seen what happens in the first few minutes of this video when I was a kid, I would have crapped my pants. Repeatedly. And probably never left my house at night again until I was thirty.

Why Yes, Sweetie, You ARE a Unique And Precious Snowflake. Of The Radiating Dendrite Variety, I Think

If you're the kind of bad mother that I am, you probably don't do things like cut out snowflake patterns with your kids. It's not that I wouldn't, in an ideal world, like to do this, it's just that in this world cutting out snowflake patterns bores me, and also, they all come out looking the same, which is to say, like doilies, and I'm not really into doilies.

Having seen this, however, I might be prepared to change my mind: