The Bad Moms Club

Martha To The Rescue!

Martha, Martha, Martha... first she came out with the magazine that took the simple and made it complicated in the most beautiful way possible. Then she hosted a television show that animated the unattainable lifestyle from her magazine for those too lazy to read about it. Personally her stuff made me feel worse about myself and my lack of decorating and cooking skills.

Then Martha Stewart went to jail and I grew to like her. Amazing how a trip to the big house made her more likeable and easier to relate to ... considering I've never been to prison (yet).

Dear Martha: Crafts With Panties? Not A Good Thing

Oh my god, you guys! Martha Stewart is reading our blog! I mean, she must be. How else do you explain demonstrating how to make a panty bouquet? That's totally how we were going to mock her flower-arranging demonstrations. She must have spies, and they must be keeping an eye on our Bad Housekeeping (formerly Martha Stewart Went To Jail, You Guys: DON'T LISTEN TO HER) category.

Seriously, Martha? Panty bouquets? What's next, dildo topiary?

Respect The Snowball. And The Candy Wrappers. And The Dust Bunnies And The Ribbons And...

Does your child keep seemingly worthless stuff around and treat it like treasure? My daughter does. She has candy wrappers from last Valentine's Day stuffed in her purse. And as a somewhat-defeated clean freak trying to hang onto my last shred of tidiness dignity, it has made me darn near batty knowing she has these in her possession.

The one time I actually attempted to clean up her precious treasures, I was chastised and beaten with the guilty stick for days. It got to the point where I almost believed that I deserved it.

Anyhow, keeping things for longer than they are meant to be treasured seems to be my daughter's forte, but this woman might have her beat.

The Tale of the Clean House and Dirty Mind

Recently I read one of those articles that made me say "Well duh. I could have told you that without all the research."

A study in the Journal of Family Issues concluded that the more time both members of a married couple spent doing chores, the more often they had sex.

I like to call it recognition for efforts well done.

Bad Mom Decor: More Stuff I Won't Let My Kid Touch

Once again I have found a piece of furniture that I would not let my daughter touch, just like the chocolate couch from last week. Did I mention it was chocolate? CHOCOLATE.

But this piece of home decor is different (also: not edible) -- this one would totally fulfill all of my Han Solo cravings, and then some.