This story has WTF written all over it, so I’m going to skip the preamble and dive right in: a 31-year old
woman from Kentucky is facing assault charges after squirting a police officer
in the face with breast milk.
Things recently took a turn for the crazy in the Jackson household
after thirteen-year-old Jafar, one of Jermaine Jackson’s eight children,
reportedly bought a stun gun off the Internet. Word on the wire was that he used
his cousin Prince Michael, a.k.a. Blanket, as a target.
Like many other girls who grew up in the 80s, I was a huge
Madonna fan. For a long time, whenever my best friend came over, our favourite game to play was Desperately
Seeking Susan. We used to raid my mother’s pile of old costume jewelry,
clothes and makeup in an attempt to look the way Madonna and Rosanna Arquette did on the
cover of my Dress You Up LP. We'd parade around the house, pretending we were in
New York City, seeking desperately for Susan.
Kids emulate celebrities all the time, but
sometimes it goes to far. Sometimes, it makes you wonder how much celebrity role-play is too much.
It only took him five months, but British actor Jude Law has
finally laid eyes on his newest bundle of joy – daughter Sophia, the result of a
week-long fling with New York cocktail waitress Samantha Burke. Jude, along with his lawyers, hopped on
a plane last weekend and made the trip to Miami, Florida, to meet his baby girl.
Jude talked shop with celebrity lawyer Maurice Kutner for
six hours before the meeting, and it’s been said that he and Samantha were able to come to an
agreement about raising Sophia before all was said and done.
Sounds less like a first-time father moment and more like a business
meeting, if you ask me.
Later this morning Tiger Woods will be emerging from his cave of shame (or that rumored sex rehab I read about in the grocery store checkout lanes) to 'splain himself.
For his wife Elin Nordegren's sake, I hope that if he was in a sex rehab it prescribed to Clockwork Orangesque techniques of rehabilitation and included many visiting guest lecturers like Lorena Bobbitt.
Because, seriously? If even a tenth of his 'story' is true, dude needs to wear a huge cone of shame in front of his wife and children.
As a self-proclaimed celebrity gossip monger, food babies can be the bread and butter of the biz. I have conjectured a whole whack of non-existent pregnancies over the years based on unflattering photos alone.
<-- Like the one right here *hangs head in shame*
But I've stopped. Mostly because based on these standards, I've been pregnant for the past twenty years. Maybe even longer.
So, who do you suppose is going to be rumored to be carrying a baby, based on this little bit of belly bunching? (She'll be said to be competing, no doubt, with Angelina's revenge bump.)
I don't know. I think that this anti-Tebow ad - you know, countering the pro-life advertisement featuring star quarterback Tim Tebow and his abortion-eschewing mom that ran during the Superbowl - is kind of hard on basement-dwelling, hygiene-challenged slackers, don't you?
No one really thinks that this toy is really a gun, right?
So the boy was threatened with a school suspension in order to scare him into not packing anything larger, or perhaps more lead-filled, upon his return? Because maybe this kind of reaction could be the first step to driving him to do just that.