This story has WTF written all over it, so I’m going to skip the preamble and dive right in: a 31-year old
woman from Kentucky is facing assault charges after squirting a police officer
in the face with breast milk.
I’m not afraid to admit that I used to consider myself one
of the world’s biggest Poison fans, and that, for a long time, I found the band’s
frontman, Bret Michaels, quite desirable. But sometime late last decade (which, not so coincidentally, is when Rock of Love made its big debut) I stopped seeing Bret as the rugged rock n' roll crooner I wouldn't kick out of bed and started thinking of things like male pattern baldness, venereal disease, male sluts, and one-hit wonders
whenever I heard his name.
The 47-year old rocker is in the headlines again – and no, this
time it’s not because he’s driving a Winnebago across the United States in
search of his long lost rock mama, thank gawd.
This time, it’s about music. Bret’s been busy in the studio, you see, recording
a hot new single with none other than... Miley Cyrus.
Since his now-infamous sex scandal exploded on the scene
late last year, Tiger Woods has done his best to keep out of the public eye. The
fallen golf great finally broke his silence last week, when he stood before a group of
friends, colleagues and close associates to apologize, once again, for his transgressions.
During his apology he asked the media to back off of his family,
specifically his wife and two young children. "My behavior doesn't make it
right for the media to follow my two-and-a-half year-old-daughter to school and
report the school's location," his statement read. "They staked out
my wife and they pursued my mom. Whatever my wrongdoings, for the sake of my
family... please leave my wife and kids alone.”
In the arena of people that I always think of as asexual, possibly even neutered, teachers rank right up there with grandparents and clergy. I mean, I know that they're human, but still. When I was in high school, the idea of my math teacher dating was inconceivable. He just went home every night and read calculus textbooks, right? Right?
He certainly didn't know his way around a lap dance, I'm pretty sure about that. Not like the teachers at Churchill High School in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
We're still mad about that whole nether-probe thing, which prompted far-reaching ignoring from Canadian politicians (one parliamentarian posted a link to our petition from her website, but still. If that's ACTION I'm a freaking superhero.) We're still pursuing that issue, but we've just come across another that we feel the need to shriek and rant and possibly petition about. And what do you know? It involves nethers, too!
Our friend and fellow bad mom Karen just wrote at Canada Moms Blogs about this insane, bizarre and utterly disturbing innovation in sex education for teens and young people in Canada:
I don't know. I think that this anti-Tebow ad - you know, countering the pro-life advertisement featuring star quarterback Tim Tebow and his abortion-eschewing mom that ran during the Superbowl - is kind of hard on basement-dwelling, hygiene-challenged slackers, don't you?
There is so much that is bizarre and disturbing about this video that I don't even know where to start. NO, wait, I do know where to start. Let's start with the creepy tweeny Bratz back-up dancing. Yes, kids rapping or hip-hopping or whatever - OH GOD I AM SO OLD - can be really, really funny, but you know what's not funny? Little girls pretending to be video harlots.
And here I thought my parents were harsh when they grounded me for a month and didn't allow me to go to the first dance of my junior high career because I bombed a history test in grade seven. Boy was I wrong about that being harsh.
Actually, harsh is a huge understatement in this case. I think sick, demented, and abusive are a better fit.
Attention Parents of Earth: if your 9 year old daughter appears in a video spinning around a pole and singing "I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk/ Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk," you have, in some important way, failed.
So, you know how the other day I posted something about how it was such good parenting on the part of the Obamas to not let their kids watch Jersey Shore and the joke was all about how really ludicrous it was for anyone to have to draw attention to a parent not letting their kids watch Jersey Shore and point to it as good because, really, DUH.