Talk dirty to Me

by Racy Red

There's nothing like a little dirty talk to get the juices flowing. It's well documented that a well placed "Fuck me harder!" can hurry things a long or make the outcome a little more explosive.

But if you are a prude (like me...I know! Hard to believe!) dirty talk can be more than a tad embarrassing. I mean, I'm not really comfortable shouting out "Spank me harder, you naughty boy!" How does one go about talking dirty with out killing yourself laughing or dying of mortification.

After all, the point of dirty talk is to have a better fuck. Not kill the mood completely.

It can be a tricky hurdle to overcome though. Does one lie outright and tell their partner that their's is the biggest cock they've ever seen? I mean, not every one is endowed with the likes of Ron Jeremy. The answer my friend, is yes. You don't have to be a beacon of truth in this particular situation. Nobody is going to ask you to swear on the bible with his penis in your hand and promise his is the biggest cock you've ever had.

At least, not in my limited experience.

If the penis is looking you in the eye, then at that moment, it should be the biggest. Unless of course you are looking at multiple one-eyed snakes staring back at you. Then I can't help you. Hmm..

What better place than in the sack to tell it how you'd like it, especially if it's not how you've been getting it.

You want it wild? "Oh, you beast. Ride me like the rented mule you are..." It's all in how you word it.

There are boundaries of course. If you aren't comfortable calling yourself a stallion or a bucking bronc, or the sexiest cowgirl out there, stick to what you know.

Try breathing softly in his ear how you'd liked to be touched. Flatter your partner and let him or her know that no one gets you wetter and wilder than when he touches your soft pink parts right there...

A little encouragement can go a long way and every one loves instructions when moaned out to make you feel like a rock star.

There are some boundaries of course. If you are in the middle of a particulary good lay, you might not want to hear your partner tell you to "Move faster, my lazy little whore."

Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. I've just heard whore-or stories. Like the time a good buddy of mine was in a delicate situation and his partner was begging him to talk dirty to her. He panicked and the only thing he could think of was "That's right baby, you're so loose a watermelon could fit in there."

Ya. He doesn't get laid much.

Don't disparage your partner or point out their inadequacies. That'll just cause the writhing to stop and get you a slap across the face.

He never saw that girl again. She wouldn't answer his calls. I wonder why.

Yet, every guy and gal should have a sexy vocabulary they are willing to pull out and use in the throws of passion or at least to get the ride started.

Calling your lover a "lovely cum sponge" might not be the best way to endear her. You can tell her that she has nothing on an 18 year old stripper what with her beautiful perky breasts and thin waist (even if her boobs sag to her knees) but you can't tell her that her beaver tails get you hot because you like to see nature in it's own habitat.

If you don't want your three inch, leaning to the left pointy little dick munched on that is. If that's what you are going for, then go right ahead. Go on and tell her that her breasts have nothing on the finest bovine out there.

Better a whispered "That's it honey, deeper," or a "hmm, you feel so good," or even, "You like it dirty don't you my naughty girl/boy" works better than any of the above.

Unless of course, you've been married an eternity and have seen each other at their worst and still decided to get naked and bump uglies, then you might have some leeway.

Some. Not a whole lot. Safer to stick to flattery than name calling. "Fuck me bitch," might pass for acceptable but you'd better be a prince among husbands and be sporting an eight inch cock with an no limit credit card in her name.

Otherwise, it might be safer to avoid name calling all together.

If dirty talk isn't your cup of tea or freaks you right the fuck out, then do what I do.

Moan.

A lot.

And loudly.

Works every time and only gets me in trouble when the kids want to know what the hell is going on behind the closed door.

 

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Wanna know what really goes on behind my closed door? Join me LIVE August 31 at 8:00 p.m. CST  as I guest on the Mominatrix radio show and spill the sexy deets about sex toys and what they mean to me.

Comments

[The Crossbowman]

Nothing like a little encouragement to make things more explosive.

Feedback is important... even if it isn't dirty or embarrassingly explicit. A moan or the appropriate "right there! Right there!" or "harder" or whatever... it's all good.

[slouching mom]

You? A prude?

No. I don't believe it.

[mamatulip]

I second the moaning. It WORKS. Rather quickly, I've discovered. Ahem.

[Michelle]

Oh my god, I've just found a new blog to follow - that was brilliant! :D

[Denguy]

Ditto on the moaning, it most certainly does work.

But, what's wrong with leaning to the left?