The Bad Moms Club

Have A Holly Jolly Bad Whatever

Also, have a meerkat. You deserve it.

Today's just going to be about video, music, links and maybe a recipe for beer nog. Just, you know, festive-y stuff. Fun stuff. And then we'll be going dark for a few days while we play Santa - badly - and make Christmas dinners - badly - and enjoy ourselves - well. We hope you do too. Happy holidays!

How Bad Moms Do The Holidays: A Cautionary Tale

Last week, I had to pony up some treats for my daughter's junior kindergarten Christmas party, but as we all know, I don't bake, so. I had a problem. I didn't want to be the mom who just runs out to the grocery store at the last minute and buys Oreos. But on the matter of figuring out how prepare something homemade, I was at a loss.

So I asked the Internet. And the Internet - by which I mean, all the people who follow me on Twitter - answered. And, with the Internet by my side, I gave it a shot.

If you review the play-by-play, I was doomed from the start:

Bad Flicks: So, J-Lo, A Vampire, And A Turkey Baster Walk Into A Bar...

Oh, look. Another movie about a woman getting pregnant and feeling all conflicted because! Is she ready? She is! But! There's a Guy! Is he ready? Maybe! Not! No! Wait! What will they do? HIJINKS ENSUE.

(Trailer after the jump...)

Bye, Olivia. Thanks For Reminding Us To Remember.

You've probably already heard that Alaina Reed, aka Sesame Street's beloved Olivia, passed away. And if you're one of those old fogies who knew and loved Sesame Street back in its Old School days, the days of Bob and Gordon and Luis and Maria and Olivia, well, that would have been sad news for you. It was for me. Not because I knew her or anything, but because - and I said something like this when I noted the passing of Brittany Murphy just a few days ago (god, what a bleak few days it's been) - she was part of the cultural landscape that formed a backdrop to my life, or in this case, my childhood. Her death is a reminder of the passage of time, of the fact that things change, that people move on, that we don't stay kids forever.

Tough lesson at Christmas time.

Bad Moms Wanna Know: Is This Ad Bad-Bad, Or, You Know, BAD?

Okay, so. I'm just gonna say up front that I kinda grinned at this commercial. And giggled. And snorted. And such. Which is to say: I thought it was funny. Sure, the water-tossing bit was a bit much, but otherwise, I could kinda relate a little bit, you know?

Not everybody thinks so, apparently. The YouTube channel from which I got this clip seems a little affronted. I mean, they've titled it CHILD ABUSE AD. Wait, what? Spilling flour is child abuse? So they're using CHILD ABUSE to sell television?!?! THE HORROR.

GOOPtastic: One More Reason To Be Irritated By Gwyneth Paltrow

I was just going to title this HA HA HA GWYNETH FAIL! but that seemed childish. Still, the news that Her Royal GOOPiness might have run afoul of the FTC's new blogger disclosure guidelines made me titter a little more gleefully than is, I suppose, appropriate for a grown woman.

Kids These Days: A Tale Of Two Crosses

So you all heard the story last week, the one about the boy who drew a picture of himself on a crucifix - after being asked to draw a picture about Christmas, which, you know: the birth of Christ, the guy on the cross - and then his school went apeshit and sent him home with the words NEEDS HELP stamped on his forehead?*

That story was stupid.

Bad Moms Like Morphine

One half of our team is in hospital this morning with some kind of mysterious something something requiring tests and, also, morphine. Which really, really sucks, and the other half of the team is really, really worried, but also appreciative of the fact that, hey, morphine. And bed rest. And little cups of jello...

So the Bad Moms Club has to shutter up for the rest of the day while some of us pace and bite our fingernails and others get high on a morphine drip. I'll let you figure out who has it tougher.

Last Minute Shopping Ideas (Or, More Accurately: Stuff I Want)

Why is it that when I'm out shopping - or, to be more accurate, shopping online - for gifts for other people I end up finding a thousand cool things for myself?

Stuff that I look at and go, OMG that is so totally me but must resist purchasing because, hello, I'm shopping for other people. The holidays are about giving, right?

Well, I wish that someone would give me this:

From The Basement: You Don't Know How Good You Have It

Posted by Anonymous.

Dear Husband,

You don't know how good you have it. I cook, clean and care for you. I drive you to the doctor's, I pay for your insurance, your life. For over 2 years now you have been actively seeking out women to cheat on me with. I am not sure if and how many times you have actually succeeded in this. I know why I stay but I don't know if you know why I am still here.

I am here because you are disabled and I promised "in sickness and in health". While I don't think anyone would blame me for leaving you, I don't know if I can be that woman - the one who leaves the physically and mentally disabled man.

Continue reading this post at the Basement...