The other day, a study was released that suggests that spanking may be good for your kids. Which, of course, immediately caused me to roll my eyes and wonder, out loud, when they will release the studies that show that if you throw screaming children in swimming pools, they will learn to swim faster, or that if you waterboard them, it'll increase their lung capacity.
Still, it gave me pause to reflect on my own considerations on spanking (yes, I've done it; no, I'm not proud), and then to write about it. Which, all things considered, I really don't recommend. There's no way to write about spanking from any perspective that doesn't lead to virtual fisticuffs. Ironic, I know.
You can read the post for yourself, but really, the real action is in the comments, where I am lambasted for a) judging spankers too harshly, and b) being too easy on spankers, and why didn't anyone call the cops on me when I spanked my kid, really. Once you're done there, you can weigh in at the clubhouse, where I've posed relevant questions in far less inflammatory terms: Are Spankers Evil And Should They Go To Hell Or Jail? Or Are They Just The Only Parents Who Understand What Kids Need These Days Dammit And Get The Hell Off My Lawn! Or just weigh in with the cop-callers and the happy-spankers chez HBM. Whatever floats your masochistic boat.
Spirit of the law or letter of the law?: The vast majority of professionals agree that child buttock-battering isn’t healthy. A marginal few (mostly religious fundamentalists as those at Calvin) think that child bottom-slapping is good. They use the same selective literalist interpretation of the Bible as was used to justify “witch”-burning, depraved torture methods for those accused of sin and heresy, slavery, racism, wife-beating, oppression of women and a host of other social ills.
Posted by: PDeverit | 01/09/2010 at 02:29 AM
I'm with you: I agree spanking is wrong but I have done it because:
1) Some behaviours must be stopped
2) Nothing else worked
3) Given how common spanking is and was sometimes you ask yourself "Am I missing out on something here, what if it really does *work*"
I won't say I've only done it once, but I will say I do regret it -but I don't regret it anymore than when I really lose my cool and get angry and scream. If a spank can end a 1 hour tantrum before mommy does something worse -then there are worse things. Yes of course distraction before the "issue" turned into a "Can't back down now" line in the sand would have been a better option but life doesn't come with a rewind button.
Just like I am totally against letting a baby "cry it out" but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't step outside for 15 minutes before you shake your baby.
Sometimes the wrong choice is still the best of all possible options.
This parenting gig is hard. And made harder by this society where daddy goes away for 50-60 hours a week, and you don't have communal parenting, Its not acceptable to have your kids playing in and around the neighbourhood with *all* the other kids and their parents and say "Hey I have to go to the store/cook dinner/whatever can you guys watch my kids for 20 minutes" --and no I don't think that putting my kids in preschool is the same thing AT ALL.
And yes, I am, for once, not going to use the screen name I use everywhere. I'm going to hide behind anonymous. I am sick of being attacked over it. I'm anti-spanking but I'm human.
Posted by: anonymous | 01/20/2010 at 10:53 AM