Bad Moms Aren't Prudes, They're Just Not All That Keen On Phallic-Themed Supervillians

We're still mad about that whole nether-probe thing, which prompted far-reaching ignoring from Canadian politicians (one parliamentarian posted a link to our petition from her website, but still. If that's ACTION I'm a freaking superhero.) We're still pursuing that issue, but we've just come across another that we feel the need to shriek and rant and possibly petition about. And what do you know? It involves nethers, too!

Our friend and fellow bad mom Karen just wrote at Canada Moms Blogs about this insane, bizarre and utterly disturbing innovation in sex education for teens and young people in Canada:

15 to 24 year olds can now play their way to sexual health via a new game on the London-Middlesex Health Unit's website.  The problem is in it's condescending delivery and sheer comicality of it's design.  Prepare to be horrified.

Kids can choose to be one of four titillating characters: a sexually active girl named Power Pap who uses x-ray vision to spot infections; a boy named Willy who believes size doesn’t matter and whose superpower is "rock hard strength";  Captain Condom, a male superhero with a condom on his head; or a virgin named Wonder Vag.

Wonder Vag has the superpower to tell if a person is lying.  That's funny - as a teenage girl, I sure didn't. That really would have come in handy.

It gets worse.

The game features a super villian, The Sperminator, a muscular man wearing a red wrestling mask with penis arms, who will shoot kids with sperm if they don't answer sexual health questions correctly.  His goal is to infect everyone with his evil sperm. 

WONDER VAG. THE SPERMINATOR. PENIS ARMS. Isn't this what would happen if Stan Lee dropped acid and got lost in a porn shop?

It would be funny if it weren't totally real and coming to a public school near you. If, that is, you happen to live in certain regions of Canada where, yes, as you would know if you watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, we have a thing for surrealist phallic imagery - giant erector ice penises, set aflame! - and, also, for beavers, but still. I can see how young people would find this funny - I find it funny, in the abstract, which is to say, not in any context that involves my children - but, really? As sex ed? For young teens? I'm all for innovation in sex education, but I just don't think that a penis-armed supervillian called the Sperminator is going to help my kids any in understanding the birds and the bees.

I think this is completely effing crazy. Am I right, or am I just more of a prude than I'd like to think that I am?

Before you answer that, remember this: SPERMINATOR. PENIS-ARMED SPERMINATOR.

Really? Couldn't they all just read Judy Blume instead?

Comments

[I am THAT mommy]

Okay, so I just had to go to the site. And then I just had to play the game. And I learned two things: 1) I have a vast knowledge of appropriate sexual behavior (Take that, evil Sperminator) and 2) There is nothing creepier than a penis-armed villian shooting evil looking sperm at you.

Wow. I mean, WOW.

[AllisonO]

I cannot.believe.that. Why along the way did one of the software engineers not say "What the crap are we making here?" I would love to be a fly on the wall in that pitch meeting to investors.

"Envision this: Penis arms. Evil sperm. Wonder Vag."

Also, I like the retrospect you gave me on those ice penis statues. I didn't realize it at the time, but that is exactly what they were.

One question though, WHERE on earth do you find these things?!

[KayleyM]

Wow. I am a little amazed by this, but I can also see how it would help. If this is marketed at teens, chances are they are having sex already. Hopefully they will find the characters funny and learn something from answering the questions. Chances are they don't know as much about safe sex and STI's as they think they do, and this would be a way of "teaching" them without having to have those awkward conversations.

[A A]

Wow, that's...bizarre, but I guess it's still better than the total lack of sex education in many US schools. Slightly better. Maybe.

[The Zero Boss]

Yeah, I threw a few cents at this one too. Though I have to object: it's not a penis-armed Sperminator, it's a penis-HANDED Sperminator.

And no, I don't really want to debate this.

[carrien (she laughs at the days)]

Well, my husband and I thought it was hilarious and had to play a round. It is dead boring once you get past laughing at the graphics.

However, the Zero Boss, it is a penis arm, when he shoots sperm the shoulder, then the forearm swells before the giant sperm shoots out.

When you win he turns blue and shrinks, lol.

For the record, I don't want anyone teaching my kids about sex through this silly game. I agree it's a lousy way to try and educate them.

[Becca_Masters]

not the best idea to teach kids about sex ed, but it's better than nothing I guess.

hilarious graphics. I had to play it! and I laughed a lot.

[Becca_Masters]

by idea - I meant *way*

[Writingmother]

someone was paid good money for that stupidity! Unbelievable.

[Procrastinateher]

Okay, so I went and played the game...

Vulgarities aside, this is a rather lame and boring game to play. You can tell the Sperminator and the superhero you have chosen to play are there in a petty attempt to distract you from realising you're just taking a quiz, not playing a game.

Apart from that, I think it gives kids a negative image of sex (I'd be kinda scared of penises and sperm after that). Sure, that might be a good thing to get them to stick to self-loving when they're young, but really?

Not to mention this would be somewhat embarrassing if you were asked to play this whilst still being traumatised from watching all those videos about puberty and babies and putting protection on bananas.

I'm 21 by the way, apparently part of the target audience for this game.
The majority of my sex ed came from written sources, not videogames. And with the internet, you can now find out anything without the awkward embarrassment of asking a friend or family member (don't use silicon-based lube with silicon toys).

Wasn't a game like Sperm Invaders good enough?

[Karen Sugarpants]

I'm still all OY over this thing. I have more to say but it's Family Day and bad moms everywhere are totally spending time trying to nap. :)