Bad Moms Know Food Babies When They See Them

As a self-proclaimed celebrity gossip monger, food babies can be the bread and butter of the biz. I have conjectured a whole whack of non-existent pregnancies over the years based on unflattering photos alone.

<-- Like the one right here *hangs head in shame*

But I've stopped. Mostly because based on these standards, I've been pregnant for the past twenty years. Maybe even longer.

So, who do you suppose is going to be rumored to be carrying a baby, based on this little bit of belly bunching? (She'll be said to be competing, no doubt, with Angelina's revenge bump.)

Why, look: Renee Zellweger! All because of this photo op.

Bradley Cooper probably told her to eat a sandwich and she complied and look where that got her.

So far as I can tell, that 'bump' is entirely due to normal curves and maybe a little satin bunching. Because as much as I don't like Renee as an actor, I think she looks pretty good. (Just, Renee? Remember for next time that satin is very unforgiving, especially if you've maybe just eaten a burrito. Thank you, ANTM and Project Runway, for teaching us this valuable lesson.)

Now we just need to teach the purveyors of celebrity gossip that NORMAL belly pouches do not translate to baby in da' house. Uphill battle or what? Oh hell, I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Might as well start here: SHE'S NOT PREGNANT, EDITORS: JUST FULL.

My work is done.

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Comments

[kittenpie]

ha - that dress would not hide a CHEERIO, let alone a burrito. And taken in the full view, that belly is way less conspicuous than when it's zoomed in upon. She looks fine when seen whole - like most people.

[Jessica]

I'm just glad no one follows *me* around with a camera :P
Although, I gotta say, I'm more concerned about the concept of a "revenge pregnancy"... jeez.

[The Mayor]

I've spent 56 months pregnant for real so every stinking time I see "baby bump" on the magazine rack it annoys me.

Doesn't every fully developed female appear to have a bump pre-poop for the day?

[WellVersedMom]

"Yes, sweetie, you were a revenge baby, but your brother was a mistake baby."

I never had a bump. Mine was always a mound.

http://bit.ly/dyAANn