The Bad Moms Club

From The WTF Files: Woman Charged After Squirting Breast Milk On Deputy

This story has WTF written all over it, so I’m going to skip the preamble and dive right in: a 31-year old woman from Kentucky is facing assault charges after squirting a police officer in the face with breast milk.

Yup, you read that right. Breast milk.

From The WTF Files: Michael Jackson’s Nephew Buys Stun Gun Online

Things recently took a turn for the crazy in the Jackson household after thirteen-year-old Jafar, one of Jermaine Jackson’s eight children, reportedly bought a stun gun off the Internet. Word on the wire was that he used his cousin Prince Michael, a.k.a. Blanket, as a target.

It’s a news story that really brings the WTF’s.

Eight-Year-Old Girl Performs Lady GaGa Number On Brazilian Reality Show

Like many other girls who grew up in the 80s, I was a huge Madonna fan. For a long time, whenever my best friend came over, our favourite game to play was Desperately Seeking Susan. We used to raid my mother’s pile of old costume jewelry, clothes and makeup in an attempt to look the way Madonna and Rosanna Arquette did on the cover of my Dress You Up LP. We'd parade around the house, pretending we were in New York City, seeking desperately for Susan.

Kids emulate celebrities all the time, but sometimes it goes to far. Sometimes, it makes you wonder how much celebrity role-play is too much.

Jude Law Meets His Five-Month-Old Love Child For The First Time

It only took him five months, but British actor Jude Law has finally laid eyes on his newest bundle of joy – daughter Sophia, the result of a week-long fling with New York cocktail waitress Samantha Burke. Jude, along with his lawyers, hopped on a plane last weekend and made the trip to Miami, Florida, to meet his baby girl.

Jude talked shop with celebrity lawyer Maurice Kutner for six hours before the meeting, and it’s been said that he and Samantha were able to come to an agreement about raising Sophia before all was said and done. Sounds less like a first-time father moment and more like a business meeting, if you ask me.

Bad Moms Know A Bad Thing When They Hear It

I’m not afraid to admit that I used to consider myself one of the world’s biggest Poison fans, and that, for a long time, I found the band’s frontman, Bret Michaels, quite desirable. But sometime late last decade (which, not so coincidentally, is when Rock of Love made its big debut) I stopped seeing Bret as the rugged rock n' roll crooner I wouldn't kick out of bed and started thinking of things like male pattern baldness, venereal disease, male sluts, and one-hit wonders whenever I heard his name.

The 47-year old rocker is in the headlines again – and no, this time it’s not because he’s driving a Winnebago across the United States in search of his long lost rock mama, thank gawd. This time, it’s about music. Bret’s been busy in the studio, you see, recording a hot new single with none other than... Miley Cyrus.

The Tiger Woods Apology Tour Makes A Stop At His Daughter's Daycare

Since his now-infamous sex scandal exploded on the scene late last year, Tiger Woods has done his best to keep out of the public eye. The fallen golf great finally broke his silence last week, when he stood before a group of friends, colleagues and close associates to apologize, once again, for his transgressions.

During his apology he asked the media to back off of his family, specifically his wife and two young children. "My behavior doesn't make it right for the media to follow my two-and-a-half year-old-daughter to school and report the school's location," his statement read. "They staked out my wife and they pursued my mom. Whatever my wrongdoings, for the sake of my family... please leave my wife and kids alone.”

Canadian Teachers Redefine School Spirit, And Not In A Good Way

In the arena of people that I always think of as asexual, possibly even neutered, teachers rank right up there with grandparents and clergy. I mean, I know that they're human, but still. When I was in high school, the idea of my math teacher dating was inconceivable. He just went home every night and read calculus textbooks, right? Right?

He certainly didn't know his way around a lap dance, I'm pretty sure about that. Not like the teachers at Churchill High School in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Road Tripping With Tiaras

Barbies, princesses, and the colour pink: these are all topics that I have wrung my hands over again and again until they were raw and needed to be encased in totally unironic evening gloves. But I chilled my concerns about all things pink and princess-y when I realized how much these things inspired my daughter's imagination and independent play. I'm easygoing like that.

This means, of course, that I've also chilled out about Disney. Which is convenient, because Disney World is pretty awesome.

Bad Moms Don't Judge But Some Other People Sure Do

When Gemma was about five days old, we were in the grocery store when an old lady went crazy on me and gave me the first stranger inflicted assvice / verbal dressing-down episodes of my parenting career.

Here I was, barely standing and using the stroller as a crutch for my poor embattled nethers with an old lady yelling at me -- loudly -- that I should never, ever let my child cry 'you MUST pick her up all the time. A good mum picks up her child all the time.' For the record, Gemma had just let out one of those wonderful little baby bird squawks before returning to her slumber and that was the 'crying' I was being reprimanded for. Old lady made this hormonal new mom cry. Hard.

Tiger Has Some Explaining To Do (But To Whom?)

Later this morning Tiger Woods will be emerging from his cave of shame (or that rumored sex rehab I read about in the grocery store checkout lanes) to 'splain himself.

For his wife Elin Nordegren's sake, I hope that if he was in a sex rehab it prescribed to Clockwork Orangesque techniques of rehabilitation and included many visiting guest lecturers like Lorena Bobbitt.

Because, seriously? If even a tenth of his 'story' is true, dude needs to wear a huge cone of shame in front of his wife and children.