The Bad Moms Club

Hey Ricky Gervais: Thanks For The Office But Now Please Shut The Hell Up

Alternate title: Ricky Gervais Hates Babies. No, really.

Ricky Gervais might be a talented man, responsible for pop cultural gems like The Office and Extras, but I lost all respect for him after reading an interview he did for the Times Online in which he argued for - no joke - forced sterilization of women.

Bad Moms Are Beautiful Just The Way They Are

Dear Heidi Effing Montag:

So I hear that you want your mom to get cosmetic surgery.

Your mom does not need cosmetic surgery. YOU did not need cosmetic surgery. Impressionable girls do not need to hear about how you think you needed cosmetic surgery and whatever nonsense that was that you were spouting about cosmetic surgery being a gift from God (theologians, get on this) or WHATEVER and so I would LOVE it if you would shut up about your new boobs and your new nose and your new plastictastic everything but especially? I would love for you to not prattle on about how you are going to buy your mom plastic surgery.

If It Makes Me Yearn For K-Tel, You KNOW That It's Bad

There is so much that is bizarre and disturbing about this video that I don't even know where to start. NO, wait, I do know where to start. Let's start with the creepy tweeny Bratz back-up dancing. Yes, kids rapping or hip-hopping or whatever - OH GOD I AM SO OLD - can be really, really funny, but you know what's not funny? Little girls pretending to be video harlots.

Mother Punishes Son For Bad Grades By Forcing Him To Kill His Pet

Excuse me while my head explodes. *BANG*

And here I thought my parents were harsh when they grounded me for a month and didn't allow me to go to the first dance of my junior high career because I bombed a history test in grade seven. Boy was I wrong about that being harsh.

Actually, harsh is a huge understatement in this case. I think sick, demented, and abusive are a better fit.

Hyper Parents And Helicopter Parents And Curler Parents, Oh My

I think that the most interesting thing about the trailer for the upcoming CBC documentary on hyper parenting (watch it after the jump) was the news that in some places 'helicopter' parents are referred to as 'curler' parents (as in curling, the winter sport; as in, presumably, 'sweeping away all obstacles so that one's giant puck-like children can skid freely across the ice toward a spray-painted bulls-eye future') and that those places are not Canada.

The mom giving her one year old a four thousand dollar birthday party? Eh, not so interesting. We know that there are such parents out there, somewhere. We don't know any personally, though. Isn't hyper-parenting, like, so Aughties?

Dear Billy Ray Cyrus: Stop Taking Tips On Raising Girls From Michael Lohan

Attention Parents of Earth: if your 9 year old daughter appears in a video spinning around a pole and singing "I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk/ Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk," you have, in some important way, failed.

It's Hard Out There For A Guidette

So, you know how the other day I posted something about how it was such good parenting on the part of the Obamas to not let their kids watch Jersey Shore and the joke was all about how really ludicrous it was for anyone to have to draw attention to a parent not letting their kids watch Jersey Shore and point to it as good because, really, DUH.

Well, um...

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Above The FTC Law But You Sure As Hell Aren't

Oh hey, do you remember the December post that we should have called "HA HA HA GWYNETH FAIL!" but because we are 'mature' and 'restrained' Catherine just called it "GOOPtastic: One More Reason To Be Irritated By Gwyneth Paltrow"?

Fuck maturity and restraint, Gwyneth just gave me MORE reason to loathe her goopy existence.

Tom Cruise One-Ups Parents Everywhere. Also: He's Crazy.

Wow, I'm all about judgment this week at The Bad Moms Club. First it was Crafts! With Placenta! Now it's Tom Cruise! Indulgence to the Extreme! I know I shouldn't judge, I don't want to judge, but OMFG, I can't help but judge.

I'm only human, dammit.

Have Giant Stuffed Plush Phallus, Will Travel

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but my daughter has a lovey that is - how to put this? - somewhat unconventional. Toady - aka The Phallic Lovely - is what remains of a plush Pottery Barn stacking toy. Toady was the - ahem - shaft of this toy. Toady causes my husband no end of angst because, really: Toady looks like genitalia.