The Bad Moms Club

If It Makes Me Yearn For K-Tel, You KNOW That It's Bad

There is so much that is bizarre and disturbing about this video that I don't even know where to start. NO, wait, I do know where to start. Let's start with the creepy tweeny Bratz back-up dancing. Yes, kids rapping or hip-hopping or whatever - OH GOD I AM SO OLD - can be really, really funny, but you know what's not funny? Little girls pretending to be video harlots.

Sleeping Beauty Never Sounded So Good

In my opinion, remakes of popular movies usually suck. I mean, why try to perfect or modernize something already successful?

But there are exceptions and the following remake sounds like one, albeit one that I maybe won't be able to take my kid to:

Tim Burton is rumored to be remaking Disney's Sleeping Beauty.

Bad Moms Don't Get Jealous Of Other Moms' Boobs. Not Usually, Anyway.

Can we talk for a minute about Halle Berry's boobs? In a totally respectful way, of course.

Have Giant Stuffed Plush Phallus, Will Travel

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but my daughter has a lovey that is - how to put this? - somewhat unconventional. Toady - aka The Phallic Lovely - is what remains of a plush Pottery Barn stacking toy. Toady was the - ahem - shaft of this toy. Toady causes my husband no end of angst because, really: Toady looks like genitalia.

A Spanking A Day... Keeps Everybody Hollerin'

The other day, a study was released that suggests that spanking may be good for your kids. Which, of course, immediately caused me to roll my eyes and wonder, out loud, when they will release the studies that show that if you throw screaming children in swimming pools, they will learn to swim faster, or that if you waterboard them, it'll increase their lung capacity.

Bad Moms Don't Judge, Except For Maybe Sometimes, Like Right Now

We're on record as being pretty open-minded about different parenting styles. Attachment parenting? Great - been there, done that! Free-range parenting? Also great! Helicopter parenting, hyper-parenting, set-them-free-in-the-woods parenting - whatever works!

Tattoos? We've got 'em! For the kids? Well, the rub-on kind are cool... No, wait, what? REAL tattoos? On kids?

Um...

Bad Moms Wanna Know: Is This Ad Bad-Bad, Or, You Know, BAD?

Okay, so. I'm just gonna say up front that I kinda grinned at this commercial. And giggled. And snorted. And such. Which is to say: I thought it was funny. Sure, the water-tossing bit was a bit much, but otherwise, I could kinda relate a little bit, you know?

Not everybody thinks so, apparently. The YouTube channel from which I got this clip seems a little affronted. I mean, they've titled it CHILD ABUSE AD. Wait, what? Spilling flour is child abuse? So they're using CHILD ABUSE to sell television?!?! THE HORROR.

Kids These Days: A Tale Of Two Crosses

So you all heard the story last week, the one about the boy who drew a picture of himself on a crucifix - after being asked to draw a picture about Christmas, which, you know: the birth of Christ, the guy on the cross - and then his school went apeshit and sent him home with the words NEEDS HELP stamped on his forehead?*

That story was stupid.

Daycare Busted For Drugging Tots; Charges On Stupidity Pending

Wow, this story almost made me drop my beloved coffee mug (don't worry, mommy's little enabler is just fine). A daycare in Cincinnati is being investigated for drugging kids in order to get them settled at nap time. There is an allegation that daycare employees put melatonin in candy which was then fed to some of the thirty-seven children in their care.They were doping the candy, people.

Bad Moms Wanna Know: Should Our Girls Shake Their Groove Thangs... Like THIS?

The other week I went on the record as saying that I didn't think that it was such a big deal for little girls to shake their groove thang. I'd like to take that back now, please.