The Bad Moms Club

Another Duggar Greets The World

Okay, so: the Duggars now have NINETEEN children. Which - I know - seems like the set-up to a really slam-down joke about clown cars.

BUT.

This Duggar baby was premature and that's a scary, scary thing and so, so. It's kind of wrong to joke. No, not kind of. Much wrong. So, no jokes.

Okay, But When We Say We're Twilight Moms, We Don't Mean THIS

(Dear Twilight-perv: lotion, you're using it wrong.)

source

So, Um, About That Tiger Woods Thing...

So. Let's talk about the golf-club wielding elephant in the corner.

Whenever I go to get my gossip fix, all I see is Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, Tiiiiiiiigerrrrrrr Wooooods. Can I just say that I'm kind of shocked at the whole thing? Regardless of how much of the gossip is true (less than 50% is my guess), it's still amazing that so much is being said about - what? - a golfer.

Seriously. Before last week, the guy was about exciting as the wood paneling in my parent's rec room.

Bad Mom Wants Bad Ink (Start 'Em Young, Ladies)

My daughter is obsessed with my tattoo. It's kinda cute how she tries to wash it off my back when we share a bubble bath. It's like she's channeling her grandmother (my mom). I can almost hear the clucking tongue of disapproval.

Anyhow, my daughter doesn't really disapprove of my tattoo (sorry mom), she thinks it's cool and can't wait until she can get one (again: sorry mom).

Bad, Schmad: Sometimes, Celebrities - And Gossip - And Celebrity Gossip - Just Suck

Blind gossip items are one of my guilty pleasures. Call it schadenfreude, call it taking perverse pleasure in knowing that celebrities are as messed up as we think they are, call it a faint, desperate hope that one day, there'll be an item that reads something like 'Desperate Blond Actress with lifestyle website has secret passion for greasy hamburgers and fries and spends whole weekends snorting pulverized candy corn and playing D&D with her cupcake-addicted rock star husband who also, sometimes, wears her underpants. Maybe something worth writing an open letters to her readers about? Goops, did we give it away?'

Call it whatever, I love it. But not when it's something like this:

My Money is On Krueger

Props must be given to this British mom for not going all Duggar with the naming of her children. That said, that's about all she gets in the way of props for her baby-naming skills.

At present count, Sara Foss has thirteen children with number fourteen on the way. Let's review the names from oldest to youngest:

This Week In Bad (Dads): Levi Unveils His Johnston

Ah, poor Sarah Palin. Upstaged by her not-quite son-in-law, who - this week in Playboy - showed everybody what going rogue really means:

Even We Have Standards: Two Things Not To Do With Stuff That Comes Out Of Your Nethers

I'm pretty sure that my body expelled some placenta with the births of both my children, but the only evidence of that is, in each case, the memory of someone yelling 'YOU'RE NOT DONE YET' after I'd shot each baby out of my lower parts. Because, no, I most certainly did not keep those placenta. And I most certainly did not do this:

This Week In Bad: Where's Bill Cosby When You Need Him?

This week in bad, the dads were out in full force:

Sarah Jessica Parker Is Not A Bad Mother. Just A Bad COOK.

Remind me to never to eat the cupcakes at Sarah Jessica Parker's house, because, seriously, when she says things like "I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they're wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good" it makes me kinda never want to go near baked goods ever again. Which is disturbing, you know? Because without cupcakes, I'd have to take more Ativan.