Keys in a Bowl

by Racy Red

The hubs and I have been together half of our lifetimes. We've been boinking like bunnies for almost as long. Nowadays, things aren't as exciting as they once were.

I mean, there are only so many times I can put my ankles behind my ears and moan out "Oh ya, Big Daddy," before it ceases to be surprising.

So we have mutually decided to try and spice things up and shake the boredom out of our bedroom. We have an arsenal of sex toys, a handful of fantasies and an entirely new vocabulary we like to use on one another to chase the staleness away.

We're big believers in trying something new. We take our sex very seriously. After all, sex is a huge part of a healthy, happy marriage. Sex keeps us warm and entertained through our long winter months.

Yet, the repetition of his cock and my cooter have us hog-tied. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sex gets better when you really love one another. It's more meaningful, deeper, more emotional.

Screw that shit. That "meaningful sex" married people enjoy is (sometimes) just not as fun as the electrically charged fuck you once shared when you first saw one another naked and climbed on board. Back, in what my husband likes to call them, the good ole days.

So I did what any good wife would do. I whined to my girlfriend about how keeping it fresh was becoming a bigger chore than the ten loads of laundry I plow through every week. She's been married almost as long as I have and she's known her man since she was a small girl and he was chasing her and pulling on her braids.

We talked about how a good bottle of vino can help the situation out and giggled about the time we "accidentally" stuck our pinky finger up our man's butt in the throes of passion.

Hehehe. Both our men still walk around with clutched butt cheeks when they think of that.

We whined about the time a husband fell asleep in the middle of the act and laughed at our recollections of a well-placed queef.

But she wasn't coming up with any mind-shattering ideas or brilliant revelations. Until she mentioned her neighbours. Who happen to be my neighbours as well.

Turns out, the average, pig-roasting, party-loving neighbours we share are swingers. And they're recruiting.

Hmmm. This was new information. We giggled over the pass they'd made to another married couple we were mutual friends with and tried to picture the wife-swapping parties that must occur in their den of inequity.

Keys in a bowl, anyone?

I mulled this new intel over in my head and wondered how strong a marriage would have to be to endure that ordeal. What would happen if your swapped partner liked the fresh meat better? What if you were stuck with the ugly partner while your spouse got the good one? Do you just all lay about in the same bed, taking turns at the nearest hole? Is there dinner involved?

When the husband phoned, I eagerly told him about our newly interesting neighbours. After clarifying which exact neighbours I was speaking about (he prematurely assumed it was the pastor and his church mouse wife and not the port-a-potty lined driveway hillbillies I was referring to) we discussed the ins and outs of an open marriage, but turns out, both of us are too fond of one another's private parts to open them up for public consumption.

Who am I kidding? I'd kill any bitch with my bare hands who decided to lay one of her dainty little paws on my man's sausage. I haven't spent the bulk of my sexual prime whipping this man into shape just so some other filly gets to benefit from his bronco skills.

Perhaps the hubs and I would be a tad more interested if the neighbours in question didn't look like Tommy Lee after a rough night and minus the millions in the bank and his wife didn't resemble a crack ho with bad roots and three teeth.

We tend to be a bit choosy, the hubs and I.

So swinging, for the moment, is off the table. We still have our tickle trunk and if worse comes to worse, I can always take a page out of Madonna's book and go shopping for a strap-on.

Maybe my neighbours would want to borrow it.

Comments

[anonymous]

If not swinging, have you considered a threesome? My husband and I talk about it sometimes but can't quite make the jump to making it a reality.

But I wouldn't be surprised if we try it one day in a desperate attempt to bring excitement back into our sex life.

[anonymous]

I think that swinging is a personal choice it certainly keeps us interested in sex. (not that there is any issues there)

But sometimes it is nice to flirt together with another couple and take things that one step no one knows about. When you have a connection with another couple (the two of you not just one) it can lead to one heck of a night as long as you all are in secure relationships not looking for an out.

We started with a threesome and a few visits to clubs to watch and be watched and progressed from there. We talk about EVERYTHING from what we enjoyed and didn't.

Nothing is hotter then watching some HO as you said getting off knowing that it will be the only time she gets a taste of how good you have it. (Unless of course they become regular friends) We play together only in the same room on the same bed so we are always close and can touch. It allows us to fulfill all the fantasies we have.

It is not for everyone nor is it something we do often. There are well educated professionals and people who take good care of themselves who are apart of the "lifestyle" so to speak. You just never know who is.

If it interests you at all go to a club and see where things go. But have a word or sign so you can stop things if you ever get uncomfortable. We stop no questions asked if not all are enjoying themselves.

Plus, you may pick up a few tips from the other couple that you never thought of trying or get to explore another girl. Who knows the possibilities are endless.

[hot mama]

The idea of swinging intrigues me. I just wonder about the chance of our finding another couple who's willing and is attractive to both of us. The logistics seem to be more trouble than it's worth. Plus, I highly doubt Hot Daddy would go for it. But, one never knows, do one.

[LarryLilly]

My current wife of 9 years always had a desire to have a relationship with another woman. (we are both over 50). This desire was raised during our internet dating time. So about a year after we were married, she started on this adventure. Anyway, she found this woman and they met several times, and they became close friends. During their time together, my wife found out that this woman was once a swinger, at her hubby's request. They got into swinging about 3 years prior to my wife meeting her. During the swinging parties they had, the hubbies would ask for a woman on woman show. This woman discovered that frankly, she preferred the woman and then after another encounter with a different swinging couple, women in general over men. Now, she was not a lesbian, she still liked a run up the manpole, but well, it became a wedge into this swinging couples marriage and eventually lead to their breakup. It seems he was interested in meeting other women, but the idea that his wife also wanted to meet other woman put a strain on the encounters. they soon stop swinging, but she didnt stop meeting other women.

So sometimes consequences are not always intended.

[carrie]

Honestly, I have a weak spot in my heart for Tommy Lee - really. But probably not your neighbor!

You sound perfectly normal as fas as I'm concerned.

[anonymous]

Hot Mama, you never know what may or may not interest Daddy Hot. Before we ever took the plunge and tried swinging... we talked and talked alot. We researched it and decided for any reason either wanted to stop we would. We then talked abotu the experience after and had HOT sex for quite sometime more frequently then usual.

I was not sure how I would feel with another woman with him or how he would feel but we know we are curious and wanted to explore the possibilities. I found with the threesome that was suppose to be all about me and it was that I liked watching them too. We have met several couples where all are interested. We have met some where only the girl is what we want and have walked away. I am not BI but love to touch other women in that situation.

Sometimes when one is frisky and the other isn't we talk about past experiences and voila we are both ready to go. If you want to know what you think go to a ON premises club and watch others (better than porn)... maybe even play a bit yourselves, or even make friends you don't have to do anything with them it could be enough to hang out and hear about their experiences that add the spice you maybe missing.

Good luck in exploring additional aspects in or out of the bedroom.

[Ms. Crafty Wanna-Be]

Ah Red...you intrigue me.

I've always wondered about swinging...I have friends that have tried it (a little)...but basically have a couple that they "swing" with. They're open to swinging (open to find other couples, gone to a club...but haven't gone further than that due to lack of people who interest them)...and have made me think about it.

Don't know if hubs would agree...maybe I'll "swing" it into conversation sometime soon. ;)

[wilddreemer]

Oh man your breaking my heart talking about my man Tommy Lee. Ohhh how I drool for him!

[Jennifer McKenzie]

If I could just "fuck" someone, then swinging might be interesting but neither the Redneck nor I are able to do that.
To me, an open marriage or swinging or even a threesome, involves adding more personalities to our marriage. There would be the ties of relationships with FOUR people instead of just two.
The complications scare the shit out of me, frankly.
I'd rather spice up the bedroom with a new vibrator, anal beads or a French Maid costume (for me, not him.)
Or maybe try a little BDSM in the bedroom.
But adding more people would complicate things. And yeah, I'm not letting another woman TOUCH my man's rod. That's MINE damnit.

[mamatulip]

I am still stuck on the part where you said you stuck your finger in his butt. There are so many immature things running through my head right now. Poop is funny, dammit.

[Worker Mommy]

As I scrolled down and saw the picture of Tommy Lee I thought Oh lord she's going to say a threesome would be ok if the guy looked like Tommy Lee.
While I know everyone has their own tastes I might have had to end my love affair with you/your blog ,T - um after throwing up that is.
Tommy Lee = cracked out skank
Ok, only kidding I'll keep lovin you no matter what.
Plus hubby loves it when I read these blog posts to him. It's the pre-foreplay *wink*

[Tara]

Maybe you people are putting way to much focus on sex.Society tells you that to have a wonderful relationship you have to have a always wonderful sex life. Thats not the real world, there are so many things that come along that can make sex monotonous. Children, illness, stress etc. Its the normal ebb and flow of a marriage. The second that you step out of the bounds of your relationship, even if both parties agree, you marriage is pretty much over. Obviously the strong feelings of attachment have left the marriage. Statistics show that these "open relationships" usually end a relationship emotionally, there is an emotional distancing that cannot be repaired. Sex outside of you marriage is a deal breaker.I know you folks think you are on to something new an inovative but this stuff has been around forever, its just a poor excuse way to have your cake and eat it too..Get help with your marriage if you are considering having sex with other people!!

When you got married most people stand before God and pledge to be faithful to their spouse.What honor is there is having sex with someone other than your spouse?What would your kids think? Get counseling!

[kimmyk]

LOL, Tara made me laugh.

I'd so do Tommy Lee. With two condoms of course, but still...twice. Yeah baby!

[hot mama]

Hi Tara,

We Hot & Bothered folk like to keep an open mind. It sounds like maybe we're not for you--perhaps you'd be more comfortable reading the latest issue of Today's Parent, I'm sure there are some good articles and maybe a nice cookie recipe too.

[anonymous]

Methinks Tara ain't gettin' any from her man. It's easy to say it's unimportant when trying to convince oneself that not having sex is normal.

[anonymous]

Methinks Tara ain't gettin' any from her man. It's easy to say it's unimportant when trying to convince oneself that not having sex is normal.

[The Crossbowman]

Interesting, Red.

Very interesting.

What I find most interesting is why any woman would find Tommy Lee attractive... but, the world is a big place, with room for all tastes, eh?

[LizB]

Not everyone who gets married stands before God, Tara. Just saying.

Re: swinging. We both have hot hot fantasies about that, which mostly focus around him watching me with with another woman. For us, just talking about it seems to light a fire.

[Carly]

Just stumbled across this site and LOVE it. What fabulous writing and topics. You peeps rock.

I know (*ahem*) several people into swinging, and even the seasoned veterans still come across their issues. It's a tough scene. I, too, worry about one person enjoying their new swinging partner more than their spouse. And having kids opens up a whole new realm I can't quite wrap my head around.

Keep up with this fab site. You are bookmarked for sure.

[waystoinducelabor]

My husband always had a major fantasy for watching me with another guy. Just talking about it would get him turned on.